Dating across sects, a guide for Arab couples

Dating across sects is more common than parents think

In Lebanon, Syria and Iraq, mixed families have always existed. A Sunni mother and a Shia father, a Maronite marrying into an Orthodox family, cousins who ended up in different churches. In North America, where people meet at university and work instead of in their parents' neighborhood, it happens even more.

That doesn't make it easy. Many parents still hope for someone from the same sect, and some will say so clearly.

What each kind of couple runs into

Sunni and Shia. Many families are fine with it, especially families from Iraq and Lebanon where it has always been common. Others object, sometimes strongly. Differences in practice are usually small. Family attitudes are the bigger issue.

Different Christian churches. Maronite, Orthodox, Melkite, Catholic and Protestant couples usually get less pushback. The main question is which church the wedding is in and where the kids are baptized.

Druze. The Druze faith doesn't accept converts and expects marriage within the community. Many Druze families take that very seriously. Couples where one person is Druze often face the hardest conversations.

Muslim and Christian. The most common question is about religion of the kids, and whether anyone is expected to convert. Lebanon has no civil marriage, so some Lebanese couples marry abroad, often in Cyprus. In the US and Canada, a civil marriage is always possible, but families care about more than the legal side.

What to talk about early

Before things get serious, talk honestly about a few things. Will either of you be expected to convert? Where would a wedding happen? How would you raise kids? What will each family say, and how will you handle it together?

You don't need every answer on the second date. You do need to know if there's a deal breaker.

How to tell the families

Most couples tell one person first, usually a sibling or a parent who is likely to be open. That person can help with the rest. Expect more than one conversation. Our guide on how to tell your Arab parents you're dating goes into this.

Religion on HeyArab

On HeyArab, religion and denomination are optional on your profile. Filters are soft by default, so you'll still see people outside them further down. If faith is a deal breaker for you, turn on Dealbreaker. See also Arab Christian dating and Lebanese singles in the US.